here now

in that liminal space between day and evening
when the mysteries flame forth,
catch fire with the blaze of the dying sun,
then burn down into a smoldering blue light,
i was walking the circuitous, ancient path of the prayer labyrinth,
soul-deep in silence and offering my heart’s prayer to God
with the fervor of one who is seeking yet has already been found,
when i heard the voices; sadly, not of angels
but of humans.

i looked up at the noise and saw them
coming along the bamboo-lined path.
the little boy broke away from his mother and
ran out onto the stones of the labyrinth with me.
irritation surged up,
my agenda altered and
my centering meditation fractured.

but remembering the enticing words i’d heard earlier—
the call to walk through my moments and days with
uncharacteristic leisure, relaxed, unhurried,
present—i was chastened. . .
and reminded of my life back home with two young boys
who disrupt my quiet, prayerful spaces
with uncanny regularity.

“aha, a metaphor of my life,” i smiled to myself
as i watched the child trying to navigate
his way to the center of this unicursal path.
and i, reluctantly, let go of my original purpose
for being in this space.
i have been asked to love whatever comes,
to take it all “with great trust” in the words of rilke.

my soul’s labyrinth toward divine union,
the perpetual enchantment, the persistent invitation,
is to see and touch and taste God in the ordinary
everydayness of all things and in all places,
and to lay down my solitary visions and my ecstasies,
to find the Sacred
here, now.

my literary boys

yesterday was the awards assembly at wyatt and seth's school, and during this assembly, The Unfinished Jigsaw for 2010/2011 (an anthology of literary and art work by students from c'ville city schools) was released. the children who have literary or art work chosen to be in the publication are mentioned and presented w/ a copy of the book. well, both collier boys had their work chosen! seth wrote a story, and wyatt a poem. i’m including them below:

___________________________________

The Fire-Breathing Dragon
by seth collier, grade 1

There was a boy who saw a big, green dragon. The dragon woke up and saw the boy. He got out of the dark cave and chased the boy named Seth. Seth saw a sword and a shield. He picked it up and the dragon breathed fire at Seth. Whoosh! The dragon broke the shield. Seth put the sword up and stabbed the dragon. Uhhhhh! The dragon fell down and died.

Trapped, a haiku
by wyatt collier, grade 3

In the cell with bars
You start to cry for some help
No one comes for you.

___________________________________

now, if you’re like me, you are delighted by seth's story--so like him to be the hero of a dragon story, ha ha--but you might start freaking out about wyatt’s poem: “wow. such a stark, powerful image. . .but oh no! why does wyatt feel trapped? why does he feel like no one is going to come for him?” because of course this poem surfaced from the depths of his subconsciousness. you might assume that here, in written form, is finally the proof that you are a terrible parent. (unless you are not his parent, in which case you think “oh dear, something has gone terribly wrong with the way miska is parenting her child. here is the proof in written form, published no less.”)

this must be investigated--or "gently explored"--with this 9 year old child. last night as wyatt was playing his new keyboard in his room (he has memorized swan lake, the one-handed version, and we hear it repeatedly), i walked in as nonchalantly as possible and asked him if he would tell me about his poem. he said sure. i asked how it came about and what prompted him to write about being trapped. he told me his class went outside and sat under the covered sidewalk while it rained and wrote their poems and that his friend gave him the idea. “oh, really?” i was still so casual with only a tiny bit of hysteria creeping into my voice. “but do you feel that way, wyatt? like you’re trapped and no one is coming to help you?” (so subtle.)

“huh?” was his initial response. then he looked up at the ceiling to think about it, and said, “hmmm, i don’t think so. . .nah, i don’t feel that way.”

we can only hope, people. we can only hope. that boy is deep and God only knows what goes on inside him.

he was finished with the conversation after that, ready to move on to something else, and i was summarily dismissed from his room.

sawyer all american family tour

last week was the boys' spring break, and we ventured up to d.c. for several days to see the sights. now, i am not good at sight-seeing, and the city completely whipped me (it is possible that having 2 boys with the energy level of young chimpanzees may also have contributed).

but the great thing about our trip was seeing some good friends, the sawyers and 1/2 of the scotts (sadly, justin was at a funeral), and my favorite experience was walking around the monuments at night with everyone. and my very, very favorite thing was listening, while we walked, to michael and wyatt talk. wyatt's constant "what ifs" and "would you rather have this experience or that experience" and his desire for me to engage in mathematical equations and whatnot leave me feeling dizzy and exhausted on my good days. michael, on the other hand, played with wyatt conversationally in a way that was just beautiful. michael is one of those unassuming geniuses, and wyatt finally met his match. he actually had to walk away at one point in the conversation because he was so frustrated that michael had bested him. (if you don't know wyatt, you might not understand why this is such a good thing, but trust me, it is.) here we are (i'm behind the camera): wyatt, winn, michael, baby max, amy, erin, and seth (who, incidentally, commented a number of times about how much fun it was to hang out with erin. he's had a little bit of a crush on her for years.)


if you are able to make it up to d.c., i highly recommend the sawyer all american family tour. they know all the sights to see and how to get around, but most importantly, they know where the best food is.

continuing with the category of "things that make me happy"

i just spent the last week cruising around the bahamas with my sister. this is sooo my natural habitat. will you look at that water?!

and the time with my beautiful sister was priceless.