mother's day reflections

if you know me, you know that i do not go around chirping about how wonderful motherhood is. you are, unfortunately, more likely to hear me griping about how my kids are driving me crazy. i love and adore my boys and would give my life for them in a heartbeat, but let's be honest. motherhood is a real stretch for me much of the time. so it was a bit surprising to me today when i realized what i was feeling in the midst of the sunday morning chaos: profoundly grateful--grateful for the experience that mothering is, how it has stretched and softened me and made me more me, and grateful for these two remarkable, astounding, miraculous lives in my care.

being a mother has turned out to be extraordinarily different from what i'd imagined. as wendy wright says in her book seasons of a family's life, "motherhood has been the most formative experience of my life." it's the best thing i've ever done, and also the absolute hardest. i've been covered with every imaginable bodily fluid. i've experienced the torture of sleep deprivation. i've had my body stretched beyond recognition. i've given up any claim to personal space and time. i've had two little people grabbing at me, saying my name over and over a thousand times a day, asking for everything and anything constantly for years now. but what is most awful [awe-full] about this whole parenting thing is that whether we know it or not, as parents we image God's heart to our children. (this, incidentally, is why so many of us have terribly distorted ideas about God. . .)

what a responsibility! the sheer effort alone to keep my boys physically alive is exhausting, and now i'm on display 24/7 as a picture of almighty God?! what kind of set-up is this?

but here's the thing. i'm going to screw up anyway--and have--so i might as well relax and love my boys as well as i can and trust and pray that God will be doing his restorative work along the way.

here's another thing. i teach them, but they teach me, too. an example: just last week, i yelled at seth for something (he has been downright fractious lately). i hate it when i lose my temper. i hate seeing how my angry words dim that light in my boys' eyes. so, a couple minutes later, i went over to him, sat down, and said, "seth, i'm really sorry for yelling at you." he looked at me, smiled that smile of his and answered, "i forgive you! i forgive you a thousand times." if that's not a picture of Christ's heart, then i don't know what is.

here are some of the other things wyatt and seth are teaching me:

• RELAX, for God's sake.
• if you see water in any form--lake, ocean, creek, mud puddle--by all means, get in it.
• candy and popsicles are some of life's greatest pleasures.
• it's okay to get messy.
• play your drums as loudly as possible, and even open the window just so the neighbors can hear.
• sing at the top of your lungs.
• dance anywhere and everywhere.
• sleep is over-rated.
• play, play, play.
• dream.
• say what you think.
• cry when it hurts.
• band aids make you feel better--even if you don't have a boo boo.
• skipping is fun.
• yell "look at me!" when you're doing something noteworthy.
• savor every moment.

so, this is happy mother's day to me. my heart is full.