He found my Being – set it up –
Adjusted it to place –
Then carved his name – upon it –
And bade it to the East
mine is not a unique story in its over-arching theme--finding out who i am, who it is that God had in mind when he made me—that quintessential search for identity. we are all grappling with these types of questions, are we not? The difference in my story and yours is in the details.
for reasons better left unstated here and some of which i don’t even know, i am only in the last 9 years coming to a sense of my own personhood, my own sense of being. do you know what I’m saying? first, that most basic sense that i exist, and second, that it’s okay-- and not just okay, but profoundly good-- that i exist.
being and well-being.
these past years have been full of this struggle, this coming to be, this slow and painful and continuous unfolding. learning to lift my face up to Jesus to feel the light of his face upon me, learning to hold my space, learning to use my individual voice, learning to believe that what i have to offer this world is beautiful, learning to stand upright to face the pain of life, learning to be the mother of two beautiful boys while still being my own self, learning to live in freedom and hope, learning to be alive in the deepest sense.
so much of this has been played out against the backdrop of my beloved spiritual community here in clemson where i’ve lived for the past 6 ½ years. i harbor no illusion that the struggle is behind me, but i do have the sense that the bulk of it is behind me. Jesus has called me into being, and here i am. here i am. and now i am leaving this cocoon of sorts. i feel the invitation to fly.
i am a great fan of commemorating those things worth commemorating, and this exact point in my life—just turning 35, moving away from this place and all that it’s held for me, and moving into a brand new season—well, this seems like one of those times, don’t you think?
i love images, too. so much meaning, so many layers, so many unspoken words packed into one simple picture.
well, you know what i’m getting at, right? my new tattoo. it’s on my foot (which has a personal significance all its own). it’s a butterfly in profile, beautiful to me in its bold simplicity. the outline is colored in with red, a brave and passionate color.
i look down at it, and i remember. i remember it all.